Melanie Shmois

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Key Takeaways from the Summit of Greatness Part 2

"Beneath surface-level disagreements lie deeper emotional needs. Recognizing this can transform conflicts into opportunities for understanding and connection."

One of my favorite speakers from the Summit was Esther Perel, a renowned psychotherapist, celebrated for her transformative work on human relationships. In her book Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, she explores the concept of “erotic intelligence.” During her talk, she addressed the unrealistic expectations we often place on our partners today. We want them to be everything—our best friend, business partner, guru, counselor, and lover. In the past, these needs were met by the larger community: the tribe, the village—not solely by one person.

Perel emphasized that a relationship is never just between two people. We bring our families, cultures, and friendships into the mix, adding layers of complexity. She highlighted the importance of first addressing your relationship with yourself, doing the inner work before entering a partnership.

In times of conflict, she advised that it's okay to say, “not now,” if you're not ready to engage. However, it's crucial to follow through later and make time to readdress the issue. She also urged us to expand our definition of eroticism—exploring activities that ignite passion, creativity, and connection beyond just the physical aspects of a relationship.

David Goggins—a retired Navy SEAL, ultramarathon runner, and author—was another standout speaker. He’s someone who embodies pushing beyond limits. As he puts it:
“I live for that 30 seconds. I put in 20 years of work for 30 seconds of dopamine that no one else can ever experience.”

His story is beyond inspiring. Once over 300 pounds and stuck in a cycle of eating donuts and milkshakes, Goggins turned his life around to become one of the best Navy SEALs, a world-class ultramarathoner, and a triathlete. What stands out about him is his relentless pursuit of higher goals, constantly pushing beyond what most people even dream of. He’s someone who keeps failing because he keeps aiming higher than anyone else.

Some key takeaways from Goggins:

  • Confidence comes from overtraining: When you repeatedly push yourself beyond your comfort zone, you gain a confidence that’s unshakeable.

  • Greatness comes from discomfort: You have to do things you don’t want to do in order to achieve greatness.

Actionable Steps inspired by Goggins:

  • Visualization: Spend 10 minutes daily visualizing your goals in vivid detail.

  • Start Now: Pick one small task you've been avoiding and do it immediately.

  • Challenge Yourself Daily: Incorporate daily discomforts—like cold showers or extra push-ups—to build mental resilience.

  • Reflect on Criticism: Consider whether criticism stems from you being unconventional or if it's legitimate feedback.

  • Set Clear Goals: Define what you want, write it down, and review it daily.

  • Lead by Example: As a leader, openly discuss your failures to show vulnerability and build trust.

  • Balance Life: Schedule time for reflection (feminine energy) alongside action-oriented tasks (masculine energy).

  • Develop Your Inner Voice: Practice mindfulness or meditation to strengthen reason over fleeting comfort.

Muniba Mazari, a Pakistani activist, artist, and motivational speaker, was another highlight. Her talk, "The Power of Giving," resonated deeply. Mazari, Pakistan's first model and anchor who uses a wheelchair, is a powerful example of resilience.

Key Takeaways on Overcoming Adversity and Finding Purpose:

  • Resilience through Struggle: Adversity is not just something to survive, but something to learn from. It builds character and endurance.

  • Purpose as a Driving Force: A strong sense of purpose can transform challenges into manageable tasks. Purpose provides the resilience needed to face life’s adversities.

  • Mindset Shift: Focusing too much on struggles creates a cycle of hardship. Instead, view challenges as opportunities for growth.

  • The Power of Small Talk: Small, everyday interactions can serve as a buffer against life’s harshness, providing connection and normalcy.

  • Community and Sharing: Engaging with others for support or sharing experiences can ease feelings of isolation during tough times.

  • Reflection: Regularly reflect on how your purpose influences your actions and reactions to adversity. Set aside time weekly or monthly to review your goals, successes, and challenges.

These are just a few of the incredible insights I gained during the two full days of the summit. If you ever get the chance to invest in your personal growth, I promise you won’t be disappointed.

If you have goals and dreams you'd like to put into action, I invite you to schedule a connection call. Even if we don’t end up working together, this call could change everything.