During this holiday season, there may come a time when you want to speak your truth to someone. You may need to decline an invitation to a party, tell someone you can’t spend the whole day with them, or some other truth that may cause some anxiety. What has helped many of my clients who suffer from people-pleasing tendencies or anyone who cares about what other people think is to know that not being open and honest robs them.

It robs them of an opportunity to do some inner work. Let’s say you tell your parents that you are not coming home for Christmas this year; this decision allows them to sort through their thoughts and feelings, and then they decide how to respond to you. Now, maybe their first reaction is not their best, but if you continue to communicate with them about your needs and desires, they can respond in different ways. 

Many of us say YES because we don’t want to hurt someone's feelings and think it will be easier to avoid confrontation, but with this, no one grows. You don’t get what you want, and the other party doesn’t get to know what you genuinely wish to do and/or get a chance to respond healthily. 

Let’s face it: they may get upset and react angrily, but you must keep loving them through that (with boundaries) and give them the chance to do better. Or you can create boundaries and speak to them when they can honor those. I realize these scenarios can be very stressful, and I remind myself and my clients that you get to observe their reactions and not absorb them. If they get too emotional or aggressive, you can agree to talk later when they have calmed down.

Knowing that honesty allows them to grow, not only in this instance but in future situations, helps. If we are not forthcoming, then they have no way of changing. If you would like some support with this during this holiday season or as a goal in 2024, please don’t hesitate to reach out. Having a coach in your corner can feel supportive to help you through these difficult times.

Happy Holidays,

Melanie