“If it costs you your inner peace, it's too expensive”- P. Coelbo

All of us have had moments where we have overreacted…we’ve yelled at someone or something, written an email when we were angry or showed up in a way that we are not proud of, but have you ever under-reacted to a situation that you were not proud of? Let me explain.

I have helped hundreds of clients who have struggled with people pleasing and don’t always recognize at first blush that they often engage in what I call underreacting.

For example, I have had clients invite their family members for dinner. A sibling starts telling a story from childhood, highlighting a time when my client did something silly or that they were not proud of, and instead of telling their siblings that they were not comfortable talking about it, they “just grinned and beared it.”

Underreacting can come in many different forms, but here are some examples:

• It can look like laughing at someone’s joke, even if you find it offensive

• Smiling and nodding your head even though you are very upset inside

• Going along with a plan even though you would rather do something different

• Making peace instead of setting a boundary

• Agreeing and accommodating even when you have the opposite view

• In essence, it's saying yes when you really mean NO

These reactions are often more subtle, and clients don’t always recognize that they are engaging in them, but that can be just as damaging as an overreaction.

In under-reaction, we often abandon ourselves by denying our needs, wants, and desires in front of someone else. We tell ourselves that upsetting someone else is more stressful than just dealing with it, but let me tell you, this takes a toll on our self-esteem and is downright exhausting.

If you tend to under-react to “keep the peace,” let me tell you that you are disrupting your inner peace, and I would love to help you shift this tendency.

If you want to flip the script and honor what you desire, schedule a chat; your inner peace awaits.

Warmly,
Melanie