“Stop fretting about past decisions. They have provided valuable wisdom. Go forward without fear or regret.” – Paul Martens

I was coaching a client this past week who has been working on his tendency to engage in negative self-talk. Upon further exploration, he uncovered that a lot of his negative self-talk has to do with regret. Many of these were opportunities he shied away from personally and professionally, leading us to a deep discussion on regret.

Regret can be defined as:
A feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done.

It made me realize that regret can be positive and negative depending on what we do with it. You see, all of us will experience regret in our lives because we will inevitably make mistakes that we will regret, but if we wallow in the regret, in can be unproductive. My client was using it as another way to beat himself up, which was holding him back from moving in the direction of his desire.

Instead, we framed the regret as a stepping stone on his way to creating the life he wants. When used productively, regret can point out what we want in life. Let’s say you regret not putting yourself out there at work and lose out on a potential promotion, well we can use that regret to inform our desire to move up and commit to raising our hand the next time the opportunity presents itself and work with the fear that prevented us from doing it in the past.

Maybe we regret some actions that did not align with our values; this can be an opportunity for forgiveness, a reminder of what is in alignment for us, and a commitment to take a different action the next time the situation calls for us to do so.

I’m not sure it is possible to live with no regrets, so what if we used regrets as a stepping stone to learning how to overcome the obstacles that have presented themselves in the past and prevented us from getting what we want?

I invite you to use the regret to learn more about what you want, how to overcome obstacles, and some self-compassion. Get curious compassionately about why you fell short and how you can do something different in the future.

Don’t let regret tear you up. Use it to make a different choice in the future.

If you are struggling with some regret and would like my help using it as a stepping stone, I invite you to schedule a time to chat about us possibly working together.

Melanie