Risking social death
“Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth.” -- John F. Kennedy, 35th U.S. President
When studying the evolution of human behavior and how it relates to people pleasing specifically, I have learned that being part of the group where we are fully accepted, getting a fair amount consistent approval, and feeling close the tribe members is paramount to survival. Even though we are generally safe as humans in the modern era, we are still predisposed to crave this connection. When we want to be exceptional and stand out in some way, whether it’s in business, in our art, or our athletic pursuits, we have to step out from the group. Standing out means we try something unconventional that goes against the grain which opens us up to having people in the group think negatively about us and what we are doing. To many of us, this feels awful. It is akin to being stranded all alone on some island without a friendly soul in sight. It is freaking scary.
No wonder many of us don’t step outside and speak up about our unique idea or pursue a passion project more often. What I want to offer here is that even though it feels awful to go out on your own, or stand out in some way in the beginning, it often helps members from another social circle and attracts more like-minded souls to you. Often this vulnerability helps someone else and inspires them to step outside of their norm and try something new for themselves. The consequence is that more creative ideas are born. The discomfort is worth it for all the growth that occurs from this powerful chain reaction. When we fear disapproval, we play small and stay in the comfort of what we’ve always known, and growth stagnates. Remember too that even if someone does think negatively about you, it is their thought that is creating those thoughts- not you. I could do a Facebook Live Coaching Session for example, stepping into my discomfort and vulnerability, and the hundreds of people that may watch it will not all have the same reaction to it because they will all think slightly different about it.As I move towards this discomfort, I increase the chances of helping someone vs. staying comfortable and not filming it at all. I also increase the chance of having a hater or two who try to reject my ideas. The fear and doubt is worth it to me because of the value I put into the world and the possibilities that is allows.Watch me step into my discomfort Every Tuesday, when I host a Thought Tools Tuesday on Facebook Live where I expand on that week’s blog to help you get transformation. Tune in at Mind Your Strength Coaching to learn from my a-ha moments, ask questions, and live YOUR best life.If you are ready to step outside the group and stop playing small, to share your talents with the world, please reach out for some coaching to help deal with the discomfort you will likely experience, I promise you it is worth it and you won’t die socially. Rather, you’ll grow exponentially. To claim your transformation through coaching schedule a call here: http://bit.ly/2rD8YZk Your best life is waiting.
