The Power of Neutrality

One of the most significant breakthroughs some of my clients experience when doing 1:1 coaching is experiencing the power of neutrality and nothingness. Let me explain…….. when learning thought work and understanding that we create our reality by the stories we tell ourselves about situations. It is common for people to jump to more positive stories to feel better quickly. This can help for a short period, but most clients report that they snicker and find the new, more positive story "cringy." Their brain has spent years believing something negative, so spinning it quickly can be too big of a stretch, and the old story continues.

 An alternative to jumping to a better-feeling story is spending time in the land of facts, neutrality, and even nothingness. If you are angry at a friend, there is no way you can move to a positive story about them. Instead, I recommend sitting in some stillness and experiencing an absence of thoughts, language, and accounts, and when your brain tries to pull you towards the negative, see if you can stick with the facts. In this case, you can notice your friend's name; if that is too triggering, stick with the gender they identify with and try as best you can not attach to the old story. Thoughts like "I have a friend," "Insert your friend's name_________" or even stick to "We had a disagreement last week." Facts alone cannot cause feelings, so if we can spend more time here, it can often break the pattern of negativity.

Last week, I had a client struggling with poor body image, so we have just been practicing some grounding exercises and then redirecting the brain to "this is my body right now in space and time." As simple as this sounds, it has been a significant breakthrough for him as he has spent years in the middle of his negative story about his body. I have a body that gets me around in the world; this is my ever-changing vessel, can feel better than I hate how I look, I am disgusting, and my body is gross.

I have written why this might explain why mantras don't always work. My clients often snicker/laugh when they see an affirmative and super positive thought because their brain is ready to discount it and think of the negative. Sticking to the facts, more neutral thoughts, or releasing any thinking can be the breakthrough.

So, if there is something or someone in your life that is triggering to you or there are a lot of negative stories attached to it, see if you can first try to ground yourself with some stillness and spend a lot of time redirecting your brain to just the facts, no interpretations, stories, or anything subjective, just the neutral facts and let that provide some space, some freedom, a pause from the negative story.

If you desire to release a well-worn story about a situation and would like my help, I invite you to schedule a call to discuss.

Have a great week, everyone! 

Melanie