Coping With Teens Going to College
Many of my clients have been sharing their sadness after dropping off their teens at college. As I enter this phase of my life, I have been working with my clients on coping with this new transition. Here are some of the tips and coaching I have been providing them and will need to use myself as my children head off to school in the upcoming years.
1). Acknowledge and allow any and all emotions.
What I am seeing is that there is a mix of emotions. Excitement for your teen to step into new possibilities and experiences both academically and socially and even some excitement for yourself with some newfound freedom coupled with waves of extreme sadness, emptiness, and loneliness.
2). Avoid the urge to distract, avoid, and buffer your emotions
The adage ‘what we resist persists’ can apply here. Allow yourself to cry on the way home and feel the emptiness and loneliness that may emerge without turning to food, alcohol, shopping, etc. As tempting as these coping strategies might be, those feelings will wait for you and sometimes ring louder if you don’t feel them.
3). Focus on your future
This can be an excellent time to engage in self-care, try a new activity, or bask in some excitement for your new experiences while your teen is gone. The brain will appreciate it if it has something new to focus on after allowing yourself to experience some grief.
4). Thoughts
Relationships are a constellation of our thoughts of another person, so if you want to connect with your teen anytime, anywhere, you can think loving thoughts about your teen. You don’t need to call or text them to do this; you can think of a fond memory and feel that connection in your body.
5). Establish a new routine/way of communicating with your college student
It can be fun to figure out a new way of being with your child. Sending texts, reels, and messages without hovering can create a newfound friendship between you and your teen that you didn’t have when they were living at home. Establishing this may take a few weeks or months, but let it be fun.
Life is full of transitions, which can be challenging, but if you acknowledge and make space for all your emotions over time, the grief will likely subside, and a new way of being with your child will emerge. If you would like some support during this time, don’t hesitate to reach out to schedule a connection call, we can game-plan this together.
Have a great week, everyone!
Melanie
