Why can’t I do that?

"Comparison is thief of joy" ~Theodore Roosevelt

It’s natural to compare ourselves to others. But how healthy are your comparisons? A good way to tell is the feeling you experience during and after the time you spend comparing yourself to someone else-be it on your Facebook feed, at yoga class, at the grocery, or at work. Do you walk away from the comparison feeling good or bad about yourself? For many of my clients the comparison has a negative impact on their mental health and well-being. Who needs that? Let me show you a better way.What I have truly found to be the case at work and with my fitness goals is the mindset that other people push me to another level that I could not get to on my own. There have been so many personal trainers, coaches, and fitness instructors that have guided me and helped me evolve in ways I know I wouldn’t have if I had not worked out along-side them. Many competitive clients of mine spend hours comparing their times and scores to cohorts and feel= terrible about their performance as a result. Their feelings don’t change until we pivot to healthier comparison. What has helped me and my clients is to view cohorts, not as enemies, but as competition for inspiration. When you observe another athlete excel at your sport, try shifting to inspiration and respect of their talent and hard work. When you witness a fellow yogi in a perfect pose, be in awe of it. Shift from me vs. you to me with you. When we have the mindset of me vs. you, then it’s hard to feel good about our success.

Instead we feel relief that we didn’t lose, or that we compared favorably, but we don’t take pride in our achievements. In a nutshell, when we have the mindset of me vs. you, we create creating more negative feelings for me! When I run outdoor road races, I no longer compare finish times with an air that I am better or worse than other racers, rather I stand in admiration of them. We are running, we are striving for something better together, vs. against each other. Running is hard and I am so happy to have people to do it with me, to lift me up, to inspire me, I no longer view it as being in competition with them so I can do better. Instead, we do better together. In how many Oscar acceptance speeches do you hear admiration and praise for the nominees.  And how the winner was honored just be named alongside the others. It’s like that but only sincere.

Lastly, I know a lot of you only really want what the other person you see on FB has because you think it will make you feel better if you had it. But news flash, only your thoughts create your happiness. You can have that happiness right here, right now with your own thoughts. When you notice yourself feeling jealous, envious, wanting what they have, direct your thoughts to healthy comparison. Focus your attention on how you can be the best version of yourself today in your own special amazing way, that has nothing to do with who you want to compare yourself to.

If you want to put a stop to unhealthy comparison, I have the tools to get you there. Schedule a complimentary mini-session with me, this sacred time is open to the first person who grabs it----->http://bit.ly/2rD8YZk

Melanie Shmois, MSSA, LISW-S

Licensed social worker, holding a Master’s Degree (MSSA) from Case Western Reserve University and a B.A. in Sociology with a minor in Spanish. After spending 2 decades helping others achieve their mental and personal goals, I worked with Master Coach Instructor, Brooke Castillo, and became a certified Life and Weight Coach through the Life Coach School. I am also an Intuitive coach and Shadow integration Master.

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Why haven’t you fully committed yet?